I know weird title...but here goes. A week ago, last Sunday- January 22- I committed to drink nothing but water until after Easter. Now i know lent doesn't start yet, and it really doesn't have to do with that. I am pretty addicted to coke- not the illegal kind, the kind that comes in a can, from sonic, in a 2 liter, well you get the idea. I love going to Sonic and getting a Large Coke with extra ice, wow my mouth is watering just typing it! But anyway, I felt compelled to give it up. For many reasons and it is personal so those reasons wont' be found in the context of this blog...maybe later it will show up. So last Monday, I stole my husband's water bottle from his new job, it holds 20 ounces, and i filled it up with water- H2O kind. And my goal was to drink 6 of those a day ( 120 oz. a day) yikes. I hate water! But the first day I did 5! I was pretty impressed. It has been a week, and I have stuck with it. I do on average of 7 a day. That is a lot of water!  But the point is I want to be filled with The Living Water- Christ. Everyday, All day. Drinking water helps me refocus on him. I do miss coke, i am literally praying every time I pass Sonic to not stop. Being filled with the Living Water isn't just a once and your fixed thing...it is over and over allowing Him to fill you. And to be filled, we must go to the Well. We have to be intentional about refilling our souls. Every time I refill my water bottle, I mentally take note of my need to be refilled with the Spirit.  

I haven't blogged for a while. 19 days to be exact. Some of the reasons for that will find there way out of my heart and mind on to this page through my fingers. While the other reasons will stay lodged somewhere in between. The thing about blogs is that they are highly personal and yet highly public. We ( the blogger) type down our lives on the world wide web ( which apparently is one more thing our government wants to control but that is a blog for a different day) for others to read. I am sure that my grandparents have a hard time grasping the idea of an online journal so to speak. When the world just a few years ago didn't speak about certain things in public. and yet today, Not only do I blog but I find myself on several social media sites where things are seen. I really can't grasp what some put on their pages for all to see but somehow they all justify it as good or authentic. But again that is not the point of this blog.

When I think about how my life is playing out, the good, the bad and the ugly, I am reminded there is nothing hidden from the One who sees us as we are, in all of our brokenness, pride, tired state of being. He Sees us and to be seen by the Unseen is humbling. To know that he takes time ( what's time to the one who holds eternity in his hands?!) to see me. He doesn't just pretend to know about my thoughts, my struggles, my hang ups, but he actually knows. When know one else is looking, he sees and he speaks. Who are you when no one else is looking? Is it the same person people think you are at church? Work? School? home? Are you really living out your faith? Do you listen to God when he speaks? Because lets face it, we are the only one who knows when we are not doing what God has called us to do. We can pretend pretty well, that we have it all figured out, but we know on the inside who we really are. What God directs us to do is between us and him? and if we listen and obey is between us and him. However, this brings me to this...sometimes who we think we are is not all what God thinks of us. So when we stand before the mirror, we need to make sure we are looking into the eyes of our Abba Father, not into the eyes of our past and our emotions. Those are not indicators of who we are. Who we are is what God created us to be. We have to be moldable in his hands so that we do not deceive ourselves into thinking we have it all together. I am learning more and more that I don't have it together, on my own strength and knowledge I fail. and I usually fail big time. But when I understand that HE SEES ME! and He is for me as Mark Batterson says in his new book " The Circle Maker"  He is for us, we need to determine in our minds before we even breathe a prayer that HE is for us. He wants good for us, not evil. His good is often times different than mine. I tend to have a plan and think it is a good one only to find out he has a way better one and it is awesome. The bumps I get along the road usually come at my own hand of not trusting, and trying to work it out myself. 

Ministry, parenting, marriage are all huge stress makers. They are also huge blessings. Being a woman in ministry is no easy task. Even in a church that pioneered the way for Women in ministry there is still obstacles and challenges. Being a mom to 4 kids in a culture that teaches no truth, and hammers them daily with unbelievable pressure is difficult. Being a wife, and trying to not let the world says a woman should be effect how you interact in marriage. Being seen by the Unseen- is humbling. Because it is there that I know, he is holding it all together...not me. He sees- he understands- he holds. He goes before us and he is FOR US. He is for me. He is for you. 

Today I had the privilege of being a vessel that God used to accomplish His will. As I prepared for today, I was struck with how little I am and how Big God is. We are here for a time such as this. Over the the last year, God has used the Story of Esther to transform my life. God has woven her into my life. I have come to label 2011 as the year of Esther. The lessons that I learned and the truth that has been breathed into my life are too many to lay out here. But the reality is God uses everything to accomplish His will. Finding His will is one thing, accepting it is another and running to it with all that you are is where he wants us to be. Today, I placed the challenge that we step our feet into the ocean of his grace, and go where he leads. Be willing to be Sent! Be willing to grow up in our faith. Be willing to not just seek the Kingdom but to seek the heart of the King.  I a humbled by his grace. I know there is no other place I want to be than right in the center of his will. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God meet with us this morning. It was a great way to start 2012.