This evening I am lacking motivation. I know that I have homework, I know I have other things breathing down my neck that need to be done. But instead I am setting in my favorite chair with my feet up, typing on the computer. I have been looking forward to this class, but now that it is here, I realize that it is going to take a lot of time. Time- seems to always come up in my post. I think I am doing better. I am working hard on managing my time better. Some days are better than others. but making progress.

So this Saturday I will speak at our mother daughter banquet. I am excited and nervous all at once. And one week from Sunday, i will preach at BreakPointe. This is both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. I know that God has called me to this but oh my- this is huge. I am going to preach about Waiting on God. and I have to admit, I don't always wait on God well. I get a little impatient and try to take matters into my own hands. and when I do- it never works out. God's timing really is best.

well, I really better do some homework. Busy day tomorrow- Deadline is tomorrow at midnight for my post... 

Today, I did something new. I went to starbucks and did my homework. It was quiet and peaceful and I was able to get my homework completed. I also finished up another class- Psychology and will begin another class- literature tomorrow. I look forward to the day when school work is no longer part of the routine. I do however have my table all scope out for next week at Starbucks. It was relaxing- not as many distractions as setting at my house or my office.

After I completed my homework I had a very productive evening. I finally went through all the stacks of paper that were overtaking my dining room. I had the kids go through their stuff and put it away. The dining room is clean...It looks like a dining room now! amazing! I then cleaned my kitchen and cooked supper. We also straighten the living room. It felt good.

Then after we got kids to bed, I started on my bedroom. I did manage to clean up some piles in there as well. It is not perfect yet- but a little progress is good.

God has really been working on me lately. He is asking me to examine some parts of my life. To look at some of my issues and allow him to work on those. I don't like looking at the issues too closely. For instance, I really struggle with self-discipline. I jokingly say I need a support group for this problem in my life. But seriously, my time, my money, my eating, my devotions, all these things require self-discipline. I use the word "my" and realize it is all God's and he is asking for me to be a better steward of his things. This week I am really focusing on what the next step is. God is faithful and is already showing me some "next steps" I need to be taking.

Now, I am going to go bed...tomorrow is a new day for me to use wisely!

I am going to do the only thing you should do on a rainy, dreary Saturday afternoon when your are home alone-I am taking a nap! Don't tell my homework, don't tell my to do list and don't tell my kids! Nap time- here I come! zzzzzzz!

I feel like I should post this sign on my office door, on my house and on my forehead. Lately it seems like I am under construction. I am trying to learn how to parent teenagers,  how to be a pastor, learning how to be a woman in today's society. Learning is part of growing isn't it? It is like when we stop learning, we stop growing. For those of you who don't know this about me I am huge network person. I love to find out what is working for other people and what isn't so that I can learn from their mistakes and victories. And it seems lately I am standing at this new road trying to navigate my way through and praying that I am taking the right steps, the right moves. Saying the right things, acting the right way and pleasing God the way I need too. Overall, I am under construction. There are some who think I "always" have it together. Rest assured I don't. I am just as broken as the next person. I get up every morning, seeking out God just like some of you. Praying for wisdom, peace and grace. I am thankful for His grace. I am thankful that each morning, when I get up - He meets me there. He is Worthy. So in the midst of construction- he is making me to be the person he created me to be. As he molds me and melts away what isnt' suppose to be there, I am asking that you remember I am under construction. The process of being molded isn't always fun. It takes work, sweat and tears. It requires me to die to myself daily. I have to give up control. I have to be willing to allow the molding. If I am resistant- then it takes longer. God has a plan, the construction will yield something beautiful- I am sure of it. So why I am under construction, I will wait on Him. I will remember he has been where I am going. I will allow Him to do His work in me.

While I am under construction-which I assume will last most of my life...about the time He gets done with one project, He begins another one...I learn a lot about myself. Who knew I could go to College full time and be a pretty good student. Who knew that I could be a Pastor? I am pretty amazed at the construction projects I have already gone through. It leaves me scratching my head going "Wow God, I didn't see that coming" Seriously God, did you mean to call me to do that? He takes my "stuff" and turns it into something wonderful- and sometimes the "turning into" is painful. sometimes it is amazing relief, and sometimes it is breathtaking.

So- I am ready for the construction. I am holding on, fastening my seat belt and clinging to the fact that He is trustworthy. God didn't promise me easy- He promised me He would always be there. When I overwhelmed, He is not. He is complete and total control. I love the verse in 2 Timothy 2:13 " if we are faithless, he is faithful, for he can not deny himself" His very being is to be faithful. I know many of us are under construction. God is working on us and  directing us to new places. Maybe your construction process is requiring you to give up somethings. Or add something in. Whatever it is...Trust Him. He is all we need. His plan is so much better than anything we could plan out.

So tomorrow I am going to start getting up in the mornings and running with the boys. I really want to connect with them and I know they are both very active and love to be outside. So, I am going to run with them. I think they will kick my butt early on, like the first 5 or 6 steps but hopefully I will be able to at some point keep up. This will hopefully help me be a better mom to them and help me get in shape. I think it is a win win!

On another note- I have amazing friends. I am thankful for each one of them and the role they play in my life. I know that without them, I would not be who I am today. They encourage, inspire and love me. They also are honest and willing to let me know when I need to make changes or not buy a pair of jeans that  are not flattering. Most of them I wish were closer, and I love every minute I get to spend with them.

So Monday's are my day off- usually the day I do my homework, go to the store and try to straighten the house. Monday's are the day I get to spend a little time alone, Mondays are the day I don't go to the office. Mondays are mine...until their not. You know like when you have a sick child on a Monday- then your day changes, or when an emergency comes up. Sometimes what we think should be and what are, are very different. Sometimes i have to remind myself that when we have interruptions good or bad that how I handle them reveals a lot about me. I am trying to embrace them more and realize that some will interrupt as often as you allow them. I think it goes back to boundaries. And making sure we have some in place to protect ourselves and our family.

Yesterday Kailyn turned 10. That does not seem possible. We went to the movie "how to train your dragon" it was a very cute movie. Then we went to Red Robin. I love her, she is so compassionate and loving. I am so blessed to have her in my life. She was an excellent final chapter to our little family. What would we do without her?

I want to spend more time with my family, not just time but quality time. So I am working on the schedule...again. Working on the how to fit it all in and realizing that sometimes you just don't fit it all in. sometimes  some things can be left undone. I realized that I will celebrate my kids birthdays every year but I may not get to celebrate in person with them every year when they are adults. So I want to cherish the days I have with them here under our roof.

The last 18 months have been interesting to say the least. We are thankful for God's provision, and we are thankful for the people that have stood beside us and with us. Now we are looking ahead and asking God to give us clear direction and focus for the future. That we just wouldn't be here b

I really don't even know where to start. the kids are getting older, and the challenges we now face seem so much bigger than potty training, conquering sleeping all night and fighting over the toys. The pressure of raising kids is pretty intense at times. Frankly it is overwhelming. I am amazed at their perspective sometimes and when they do let you in their thoughts I am sad and somewhat discouraged. It seems like when I think things are going well and life is smoothing out, I find out from them they really think it is not...I try to remember that they are after all teenagers and sometimes what they think is not reality. On the other hand, I try to look for the truth in what they say. So needless to say, I have a lot on my mind. Trying to keep all the balls in the air...trying not to drop the ones that are the most important, the ones that break when they fall. This fast paced life of family, ministry and work seemed to be a little overwhelming. I just need to find the right schedule, right or better way to parent and communicate. Who knew parenting was so challenging?? :)

I want with all my heart to be the wife, mom and pastor called me to be. I want my husband to know he was the loved and respected by his wife. I want my kids to know they were my life and i love them with all my heart. God has called me to be Jason's wife, Brooklyn, Jordan, Colton and Kailyn's mom and then Pastor .

So tonight I pray that my schedule will be pleasing to God and that I will be all that I am suppose to be. I pray that I will have wisdom to deal with every situations and that I will let God control my life i