I know that sometimes we get bogged down with life, and we don't know what else to do. It seems like that is where we are at lately. However today I was thinking about all of my blessings. There is a lot going on I don't understand but I know that I do have a lot to be thankful. I have 4 beautiful healthy children. I have an amazing husband who loves God, and loves his family. Today, I make a choice to be positive, even when on the inside I don't feel it. That is where faith comes in, when you go against what you might be feeling, and trust God to see you through. I know he has plan.... I just wish he would share it. :) No matter where we are in our walk with Him, he never leaves us. I am resting on that today.

Some days it feels like your heart will break in two. That at any given moment you will fall apart in many pieces. The feeling of being kicked in the gut, or you're the worthless pile in the pasture. And you just don't know how to pull yourself out of it. You are unsure of everything. Nothing makes sense. You watch as things happen, feeling powerless to change it or make it better. Too much stress, too much going on. Now we wait some more, we ask questions, we seek God, and just want clear direction. We have been saying we will just do the next thing, but now we don't know what the next thing is anymore. What is the plan? Tough decisions are ahead. Why is trusting and waiting so hard? I am worried. . Worried about how to do the next thing.

I have spent the day with the kids. My heart was aching to spend some time with them. To let them know that they are the most important thing, people in my life. I needed them to know that I was still there mom and no matter what was going on around us, they were loved and important. We went to the mall, we went bowling- which I should not have done... and now we are going to eat dinner as a family. It was important to me today to just be their mom.

It has been so crazy lately, I can't see straight. I had surgery a week ago today. within in 16 hours of surgery Jason's dad had a massive heart attack and it did not look good. we made a rush trip to KY, and came home early Monday morning. thankfully Jason's dad is on the mend and is expected to be ok. he actually went home today.

Jason is still without a job, which makes the stress in our lives even more. However he has a couple of really good leads right now. Which we are thankful! He is suppose to hear from one of them tomorrow, we are praying it works out.