The last 2 days I have literally emerged myself in scripture. It has been one of those weeks- where I realize that is not me but Him. It is not my will but His. Its not my direction but His. Today as I was reading I came across this verse " The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise and watch over you. Psalm 32:8"   IF the Lord says it, it must be true. If I am His, then he will guide me. The last month I have been praying, fasting and seeking God with a renewed passion for His will in my life. With a new urgency for him to be active in my life. I wish I understood all the things that are going on. I wish that I could say that during this time, he has shown me the big picture and purpose but so far...only the assurance that he will guide me. that he will advise and watch over me- and my family. Sometimes I think God just wants to know we will be obedient and let me just say that sometimes obedience brings you to your knees faster than anything else. Obedience has away of leaving you breathless, tearful, and questioning the God of universe! and it seems like if I am questioning the God of the universe my faith isn't exactly where it should be. So I continue to emerge in scripture, worship and prayer. 

Sometimes the only way to find true rest is by falling into the arms of Jesus. When we realize we can't fix it all or we can't simply do things the way we have always done them. I wonder why it takes us getting so stressed and tired and overwhelmed before we realize that if we would just fall into the arms of Christ- we would in fact find rest. That doesn't mean everything is fine and fixed- it simply means we find rest in the One who holds it all- including us.  

Our family has escaped the everyday stresses for a very short vacation at Branson. Finding that sometimes the only way to get fresh perspective is to go away and clear your head. that is what we are doing. We are enjoying our kids- enjoying the no schedule day and resting in the arms of Jesus!

I need a GPS- you know the things that tell you where to go, where to turn, how long it is going to take...all those things. The thing is I actually have a GPS in my car- I need one that tells me about life. How to navigate through all the different obstacles and emotions that you feel on any given day. Again, I have one of those GPS' as well- God, his Holy Word...I know all of that. But sometimes I wish I could sort out all of the emotions. Praying for wisdom is an every minute thing these days. Parenting, marriage, ministry, work, life in general, all seems to have a lot of questions. And frankly sometimes the questions seem unanswerable...today I even wondered if I was asking the right questions-and perhaps that was the reason I was struggling so much, because I simply was asking the wrong questions. I realize that this blog is jumbled and probably makes no sense to the reader, but it makes sense to me. choices that we make impact people. Even if we think they are only effecting us they aren't, they have a ripple effect- people are effected. ignoring the ripples don't make them go away or get better. I often wonder if people understand the ripples that they cause...i wonder if i understand the ripple I can cause. Navigating through life isn't it easy. We, I must fully rely on him to help me navigate to the right place- and that comes from me letting go of my control and allowing him to direct. Emotions are just hard to work through. Emotions can cloud perspective. Emotions can cause us to make decisions that aren't really what we are suppose to be making. My prayer tonight is that my navigation system works well in the morning...I am going  to need it. 

This was my first Monday off since the kids went back to school and I did not have school work myself...It was so great. It was storming this morning and the only thing to do on a stormy morning is...yep crawl back in bed and sleep. So I did! I crawled between the covers and stayed there until 9:30. ahhhhh....then it was up and ready to conquer my day...laundry...finish school supply shopping- more on that in a minute...working on a new budget for our home and paying bills. Then running around picking up kids, and cooking dinner. It was a great day. 

On the school supply note- Brooklyn needed a calculator for school! are you ready for this ...it cost $119. Yes you read that right. I just about had a heart attack right there on the spot. I just couldn't believe it. Seriously- I told her to protect it with her life. She of course said she would....I think I have finally purchased every school supply the kids have said they have needed. This year, should be good to go- and so far- it is going pretty well. Only a few tears over assignments. I keep reminding myself I will miss these days one day. 

So the new budget for our home looks pretty good I am pretty excited about it. I know excited and budget in the same breathe- yikes...but on paper at least it looks good. Did some trimming of some things- which was not easy, but I know it will be worth it. There are many changes, and when I am ready I will blog about those but for now... they are changes we are processing and working through our emotions on. God has never let me down and I don't think he will this time either. I would love to know his plan but sometimes just trusting him is all he ask of us...so that is where I am at...trusting. 

The house is quiet- the kids are in bed. Again this evening before we tucked them in, we had family devotions, simplified tonight.we read some scriptures together, and then prayed for each other. I hope that we continue to carve out these times each night. It is so important. Tomorrow is another day...for us to rejoice in the blessing that God has given to us.  

I have many things to blog about- but tonight I am going to blog about worship. At about 9:00 this evening, the kids were getting tired and we called them all together for family devotions. I hate to admit it but it has been a really long time since we have done this. We pray with the kids separately   but it had been a while since we had called a family time.  I ask Jordan and Jason to pick a couple of worship songs, that Jordan can play on the guitar. We begin to sing as a family and worship. I looked around the room at the kids and how they were responding to worship. Some with eyes closed as they sang, others tapping out the beat on their leg, while another sang with everything they had. It wasn't long before tears begin to fall down my cheeks, how amazing that we can at anytime or place come before God and worship. We then read 1 John 3:11-25. We talked about loving our brothers and sisters and the confidence we can have to go before God.  The kids shared their request for the week and the burdens that were on their heart, then we prayed. Again, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. Listening to my husband pray for his family, and my kids bow their hearts and seek God is a gift, one that I am afraid I take for granted. As I closed in prayer I prayed that God would give me wisdom on raising my family. and that he would protect my kids from the attacks of Satan, and give them a boldness and confidence to let His light shine through them. Our family worshiped together. Each in their own way, and it was music to my this mommy's heart. and I am guessing it was music to my Abba Father's heart as well. 

This morning, as my kids stood in height order from tallest to shortest for me to take their picture for the first day of school, my mind went back to a time when they were all much smaller. When they still needed mommy to kiss away their hurts and tuck them in at night. They don't need me like that anymore- but they still need me. and for the record- we do still tuck them in at night- and I don't think they mind that too much. ( most of the time) 

Brooklyn, started her second year of high school, it just doesn't seem possible. What an amazing young lady she is. Her heart for God and others is amazing. She cares deeply about those around her.  She prays for those that she loves. Her heart hurts when she thinks about the struggles, and the situations that those she loves are going through.  She is my thinker. She processes everything. ( just like her dad- which I have decided is both a blessing and curse! :0) ) I am proud of you Brooklyn and I am praying that this year will be a great year.  

Jordan, started high school this year and he is 6 foot tall. I remember that little boy who used to crawl up into my lap and twist my hair between his fingers when he is tired. Now not so much.  He is still my little boy. He is compassionate and caring. He is extremely talented. He can play any instrument he wants and I pray that he will grow in confidence this year. That this year will be a pivotal year for him. If he could see what we see and what God created him to be, he could be anything he puts his mind too. My prayer for you my Sweet Jordan is that you will look into the mirror and see the handsome, talented, smart young man that I see. That you will understand that who you are, is exactly who God created you to be. Try hard, work hard, and don't give up! I love you and I am honored to be your mom! 

 Colton started his last year of middle school this year. He is so funny. He makes me laugh. He has struggled greatly with school since we moved 4 years ago. School was always easy for him and for some reason he hates it now. Colton, God has given you so many talents and has given you something that a lot of people don't get, and that is a chance at life. You are here for purpose and right now that purpose is to finish well. Work hard this year- show everyone how smart you are. Smile and have good attitude even if you don't feel like it on the inside. The more positive you are the better this year will be. I believe in you. You can do this! Your life has been prayed over over and over. God created you for great things- find them and do them to the best of your ability. God will never let you down! I love you!

 Kailyn- my baby, my final chapter- started middle school today 6th grade. Kailyn is full of compassion, she loves hugs and cuddle time. I can't believe this time has already come. You begin a new chapter today as well- no more recess, no more just one teacher and one classroom. Today- you begin the world of middle school. I think based on experience with your siblings, these are difficult years but also exciting. You will make new friends, you will experience new things and you will do a lot of changing and growing over the next couple of years. I am so proud of you  and your heart for God. When I watch you pray at church, my heart overflows with joy. Keep praying, God will never leave you. During this year, I know that you will face days when it all seems to much but you can do this! I am so glad to God gave you to me. You complete our family. I love you and pray this is a great year of transition. 


To all of my kids-I love you. You are my favorite people in the whole world. I know you know that I don't always get it right, but I think you also know that I want what is best for you. I pray that you will always follow Jesus and that your lives will be blessed because you have made right choices today. Remember who you are and who God created you to be and you will go far. Not every day will be easy, but God is always with you. Mom loves you more than she could ever tell you and to say I am proud of each one of you is an understatement. 

I am sure you have had one of those days...when you have been bombarded with the reality of your failures. They seem to mount up in your mind like Mt. Everest. They steal your joy, and rob you of today. Those times when all you see are the failures not the successes. I have been having one of those days. I am reminded that summer vacation is over and I failed to most of my summer to do list. on the top of that list was somethings that were pretty important- spend more time with the kids...now they go back to school..back to studying... back to sports, drama, full blown schedule...it begins. Being a mom is really at the heart of who I am. I walked the halls of the Middle School yesterday with 2 of my kids and I didn't want to let go...I wanted to hold on a little while longer. Then the failures seem to rear their ugly head...I am reminded of all the times I could have held them and I thought something else was more important...This is not to make excuses for sin or to place a premium on mistakes or failure. This does not mean that a person must fail before they can be a success, but our failures, whether in the form of rebellion or just foolish blunders, can become tools of learning and stepping stones to success. The point is, we should never allow our fear of failure to paralyze us from tackling a job or trying something that challenges our comfort zone.  Sometimes I am pretty sure I allow my fear to paralyze me which leads to more failures. Failure to do what I know I should do- failure to stop doing something- failure to say what needs to be said- failure that stares us in the face...

Romans 5:20

The Message (MSG)

 ^20-21All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.

I just read this blog-http://www.aholyexperience.com/  It is very powerful. Those moments when you begin to see that God is using other's thoughts and life to speak much truth into your own life. This past week, facebook has not been a friendly place. I find that some people find it easy to throw others' past in their face and forget about their own presence failures. While others want to do what is right but go about it in all the wrong ways. And what happens- people get hurt in the cross fire. Sleepless nights, tear stained cheeks, and more brokenness. This blog that I read talks about forgiveness- forgiving parents mainly.  I am far from a perfect parent- just ask my kids. It is not secret that my parents aren't perfect either, my in-laws aren't perfect either. It is also no secret that in order for me to be the parent I am called to be, I must forgive them all just like I want my kids to forgive me. Forgiveness is a tricky business. When huge wounds have been inflected with little to no remorse from the other party, it is hard to forgive. But holding on it to only keeps the wound open, it doesn't begin to heal. It isn't easy. Trust me- sometimes it is a daily prayer to forgive. Sometimes it means that old hurts will resurface and you will find yourself in a puddle of tears praying God to take the pain away. What I am learning is, if I am unwilling to forgive it hurts me not them. They go on with life- they go forward in their own pain, really ignoring the pain they cause. And I have to remember- God sees all, hears all, and heals all! It is not my job to fix those who are broken. It is my job to forgive, so that I can have peace. So that I can heal. So that I can be all that he called me to be. Forgiveness is not easy!! But it is a must. When life is filled with broken dreams, we must allow God to piece together his dream for us-and allow him to work on those who hurt us.