The Operation Save the Colburns meeting will take place tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to hearing what the kids will say. I understand that their excitement ( which I haven't seen yet) might be a little different than mine. You see it may mean they have to give up some things, likee bad attitudes, disrespect, fun, fun, fun all the time, they might be assigned different chores than what they are used to doing. But on the flip side it might mean that there is more time for bigger fun, deeper more meaningful relationships and less chaos...ahh now doesn't that sound nice. 

We were able to worship together this evening at the United- it was great. I love watching my kids in worship. I love being able to be part of it together as a family. It is so important. I keep reminding myself that we are laying a foundation for them- my prayer is that will continue to build upon it. 

Next weekend is the marriage retreat. Oh my goodness I have so much left to do. I know that this year has been a crazy year for us and we have not given the retreat the time it deserves. I am praying that God moves in spite of us- and of course he will- he does that ever year. :) I am so excited to see what God has in store. No matter how many couples are there, God will be there. and the couples that are there were meant to be there. Nothing more and nothing less....praying God moves and families are strengthening because of the faithfulness of these couples. 

Strange name for a post. However, you should know I am on a mission. I am on a mission to reclaim my family, my time and my home. I am not willing to stand by anymore and let the world or outside forces dictate our schedule, our thoughts or our worldview. I am tired of always running life in fast forward. When we bought this house, it was for us to live in and make memories in. Instead we run from here to there, and when we are here we aren't enjoying our home or each other. Tonight each one in my family received an email-  yes I said an email- with this title. I have requested that each member come prepared to a scheduled meeting with their thoughts and ideas on how to do a better job as a family. How to be more respectful of each other, of our home, and to stop the chaos of our lives. At some point you have to stop the madness. I do not want to live in chaos anymore. I realized again this week, how hard it is to be ministry. When you are ministry, there is a huge target on your back and Satan begins to throw daggers. Enough is enough. I have heard many times that we should not sacrifice our family on the alter of Ministry. I won't do it. Working 90 hours a week and giving the family our leftovers, isn't godly, isn't helpful to anyone, and it is damaging. I do not know what the future holds, but I know this...Operation Save the Colburns is underway and I can't wait to see what is in store. 

Last week was like any other week at the Colburns' house. It was full of sports, homework, church stuff, work, and all the other things that fill our days. It was going to end on a much anticipated fun weekend - staff retreat. The staff retreat started off with an amazing meal and then on to games. During the games the weekend took a turn, as I took the call that my step dad Charlie was being taken to the ER. That trip to ER has led us to here- waiting in an ICU waiting room, praying for complete healing in his body and waiting...Waiting. These days are full of uncertainty. It reminds me of the days we stood watch over little Colton's day in the NICU. When all you can do it watch and pray. and trust the doctors to know what they are doing. Charlie is stable but still in critical condition. Mom, is hanging in there...she is tired and worried. I am spending my nights away from my husband and kids to stay with mom at the ICU. Life seems to be put on hold. Nothing else seems to be as important as the things going on here. I wrote this note below for an update for facebook. It pretty much sums up what this day has been like. Full of different emotions, the ups the downs and the waiting. The raw reality of staring death in the face, even if it isn't your loved ones death. We rub shoulders with those who are saying good bye to love ones. This uncertainty finds me resting in the certainty of my hope I have in my Jesus, my Savior and my Lord. 
I guess the best description for spending the day in the ICU waiting room would be roller coaster. Not only do you have your own emotions to work through and the sorting of all the information. But you also see the pain of those who join you in this waiting room. That keep vigil  for their loved ones. The night was long.  Mom slept very little last night. She was up and down and I finally slept from 5:30-7:00am. This waiting room only has chairs, no couches, no pull outs, no recliners. So to say that you get mighty uncomfortable would be a understandstatment. We met with the team of doctors this morning, each doctor brings a different perspective and a different piece of the puzzle. Charlie's breathing is not as labored, they have removed 3 more liters of fluid this morning. All the doctors agree that he is not out of the woods, and he has a long road ahead. We again are prayerful that he will make a full recovery. After both procedures today, he had a little bit of problem with his blood pressure. It dropped to 40/20, it took them about 45 minutes to stablize him.f Which thankfully they did. They also because of this had to put in another port that goes straight into the main artery in his heart. This will help them give medicines ( or something) to regulate that better. 

In the midst of our own roller coaster back and forth of he is doing better, to he needs to be stablized. We share the sorrows of those whom we rub shoulders with. One family at lunch took their 63 year old brother off of life support. He was full of cancer and his journey had come to an end. And now, on the other side of this room, is a family gathered around their 40 year old daughter, sister, mother and friend as she fights her final round with cancer. She is not expected to make it through the night. She is hoping to hang on until her oldest daughter gets here from college- the clock ticks- there is one hour left of her journey from there to here to see her mom...I pray she makes. her other daughter 16 watches and waits. 

Life and death have no age limits does it? ICU waiting rooms are not full of people having a party. Instead, it is a group of people who are sharing a common bond of waiting, praying and hoping for thier loved ones will heal, survive, and find peace. 

This roller coaster is fast, and full of ups and downs. 

When we pour out our hearts to God and we seek him with all that we have, I find that after such a time like that, we need to have a long pause. Maybe you are asking what exactly I am talking about- let me explain. As I mentioned in my last post- i have been swimming in God's word and in prayer. And lately I realize that I needed to take a pause- not from seeking him but to listen to him. You know how it is when we pour out our heart before him and we literally feel spent and drained afterwards- that is when we need to pause, and allow him to pour into us. I don't think this is easy. It takes discipline and us giving up control. When I allow him to pour into me- I am allowing my will to go away and his will become the way. God has proven himself to be very faithful. More faithful than I deserve. His goodness extends beyond anything I can even imagine. He completely blows my mind- day in and day out. I can't even to begin to understand his ways- and true I would not always pick the path he does for me- but he always knows what is best. I am learning to trust him more- rest in him- and die to me. I am learning that in all my ways I need to acknowledge him, and he will, yes he will do what he promises and take care of me. When I don't understand- he holds me. The world in which we live is broken and everyone around us is broken in some way or another- remember that every time you have an interaction with someone- they need Jesus just like you do. Hurts will come, sin will happen around you but your response can make a difference. I can't fix everyone's problems and I can't fix people- but God can. He can heal what is broken in our lives and his healing is the best kind. No bandaide fixes- complete and total healing that can only come from Him. So wherever you are, maybe you need to take a long pause and allow God to pour into you. Rest in him.