I am: blogging and Getting ready to get my kids from school

I want: to be a better wife, the mom called has called me to be and to really pinpoint God's will for my life.

I have: everything I need and more

I wish: I could be more effecitve in communicating with those who are hurting...
I hate: laundry ... and sorting socks, and laundry, and doing dishes
I fear: that i am too busy and not being effective at anything...
I hear: the copy machine
I search: for peace in the insane moments of my day
I wonder: if my children will all grow up and love the Lord
I always: pray with my kids at bedtime and on the way to school
I usually: check facebook too much
I am not: as organized I should be- I tend to be a pack rat

I dance: whenever Jason will dance with me
I sing: All the time- ask my  children.

I never: accomplish all that i need too in a day!
I rarely: spend time with girlfriends..I used too though!
I cry: often

I am not always: patient
I lose: when my kids disrespect me
I’m confused: About all the things that go on around our world
I need: words of encouragment
I should: learn to practice better self- discipline

I dream: about my great future with my handsome wonderful husband, and the places we will go!

 

 

I am at the end of the day and I want to go to bed and sleep... it has been 3 nights with very little sleep and todays events have my mind racing, my heart hurting and my eyes awake.

There have been several things happen today that have left me feeling like I have been punched in the stomache.


I put my oldest to bed tonight as she cried for broken friendships and harsh words she got in an email. As the mom, i wanted to fix it for her, but the reality is there will be many harsh emails in her life,, and probably many broken friendships. Hopefully we can teach her to have healthy relationships and just maybe work through the pain of the words to get to the other side.

 

I got an email of my own this evening. It also made me sad. I cried as i read it... a friend going through a really difficult time. And yet again, i can't fix it. I can't make it better!

There is several of things going on in our personal life that have come to light today that are just hard to know how to handle.

But you know what i know about all of this, it is just further proof that God is working at the Colburn house. God is working, so Satan goes on over time and throws things at us to distract us from going deeper with God.

So for those going through difficult times you are in my prayers tonight.

Please don't panic! Gina is setting at her desk typing this blog! But it dawned on me this morning- That Gina is missing. As I think back on what I used to be, the things that used to make me excited, the things I used to do. I am not that person anymore. I am not the happy go lucky, where's the party , girl I used to be. Maybe it is life and growing up that has changed me. And maybe those things still exsist just in different ways. Now- I am a wife, mom, a Family Connection Pastor, a friend, a daughter, a sister... well you get that idea.

The thing that bothers me is this- sometimes i get so caught up in all those things, I don't know who I am. I don't know what things I want to do anymore. I was reading some prayer request this morning of friends, and thinking we all struggle with "who we are" we constantly are changing the circumstances of our lives- and it changes the dynamics of our relationships.


For instance- do you remember when you went from being single to married? we had to learn to live together, deal with each other on a more intimate level, to comprise. We had to adjust who we were to find out who we were in this new area of our life.

Or how about that day you became a parent? How did that effect your marriage, or perspective of who you were?

Then the day comes that you have a house full of kids ( toddlers, teenagers, etc..) and the rules change again. Your identity seems to change with each passing circumstance. we struggle as women to keep up with all that we have to do. We struggle with the question "who are we?" ( maybe this is just me, and everyone else has this figured out, in that case, please send me an email with the answers!)

We were made in the image of God. That idea I have heard a million times growing up, but i have been studing it a little closer lately. To get the whole image of God, he created BOTH male and female.  He created us ( women) in his image, to portray him. ( I am not saying God is woman- I have read The Shack and loved it but that is not what this is about) But we were created for a purpose. We get so overwhelmed with the everydayness of our task- cleaning house, laundry, cooking, taking care of kids,making beds. That we forget who we are. We are Women of Worth, made for a purpose that only we can do. I know some of you are right in the midst of being up all night with a new little one, or cleaning the house after your toddlers ran through for the 10th time today. This is the purpose and the time God created you for.

So even though Gina is missing- I know that I am doing what God called me to do. Here in my corner of the earth. Someday I will have to redefine who I am all over again. The house will be empty, and I once again will set and look in the mirror and say "who am I?" the good news- I will still be the woman God created me to be in that momebn