I can't believe that tomorrow will be December. It seems so unreal that this year is almost over and we are once again staring Christmas in the face. This month, I have been focusing on being Thankful, and it has helped my own outlook on life and I hoped it helped yours. Today, as we close another November, I am struck with what God has been teaching me. Where he has been leading me and what I still have to learn. One thing I know is that relationships are hard, and if we don't learn to work through the muck, we are left holding baggage that can effect every area of our lives. I also know that sometimes we have make choices that are for our best and when we do that not everyone will understand. I am thankful for all the bumps, tears and intense moments I have had this month. They are helping me become the woman that God created me to be. And that is worth a lot! Being thankful is something we should do more often not just in November but year around. Gratitude should be our attitude every day, no matter what the situation. I am grateful for those who take a few minutes to read this broken wife, mother and servant of the King's blog...hopefully the light shining out of my brokenness leads you to the one whose light is shining- Jesus. 

Today I am thankful for laughter...Brooklyn is sitting by me on the couch and she makes me laugh. She is making fun of me and talking about what I can do when I am old...Not sure it is really funny but she seems to think it is... Jason is freaking out because it might be snowing here...he hates winter. He looks at his phone and it has snowflakes falling on the screen- he says " what just happen here" I thought something terrible had happen but no it was simply the idea of snow...it might be a long winter for him. It made me laugh. The boys are answering question with answers that have nothing to do with the questions- Me: Boys what are you doing? Boys: Our rooms are clean. I laugh because that means that they are doing something I told them they couldn't do until their rooms were clean. We ate dinner together again tonight, sunday casserole, homemade biscuits and we laughed most of the way through dinner. It was just fun. Then we could have done the Christmas decor but instead we were sitting on the couch talking watching HGTV, until Jason hijacked the remote and changed it to sports, just being...laughing at each other, talking and vegging out.

I love that we can laugh together and even at each other. I have a great family. I am so blessed.

Tonight, my heart overflows with thankfulness. I have been wrestling with my sermon for this morning for two weeks. When God brought to me the scriptures that I would build the sermon around, I begin to question God and really... well... for lack of a better word argued with God on the timing of the message. I was sure that there would come a day I would use the past few months of God working in my life in a sermon but I felt like today was too soon. That I was not ready to be that vulnerable. To say how broken I really was and how thankful I am that God has worked in my brokennes and continues to glue my pieces back together so that his light can shine through. If you have not read the story of the woman in Luke 7:36-50, I highly encourage you too. She was broken and the only way to find healing was at the feet of Jesus. You can listen to my sermon on our podcast, it should be up later this evening.( www.breakpointe.org)  It would be easier to hear than for me to type it all here. I know for those of you who read this often, have read through this journey with me and this morning the story was brought together. The healing is not over and this journey is continuing...I am discovering a new normal everyday...and today I found a new  bit of freedom that only comes from God.

This month is coming to a close- but being thankful really should be a lifestyle. I am blessed and so very thankful that God uses me to be his hands and feet and on occasion- his mouthpiece.

I don't even know where to start today...

The beginning is always a good place to begin- right?

Is there words to really express thankfulness?

Can you really be thankful for brokenness?

More questions than answers- but thankful none the less. Thankful for quiet moments on the couch with my sweet kiddos. Thankful for lunches with good...no great friends...thankful that God always provides even when we don't see how. Thankful for counselors those trained and untrained who help us navigate lives challenges. Thankful that I have choices.

Tonight I am processing my choices. Praying that the choices I choose make me healthier and closer to God. Thankful that tomorrow we can start over, because His mercies are new everyday-

Today was my day off- it was suppose to be spent finishing my sermon for Sunday, working on Christmas decor and starting the packing for our road trip in 2 days. Instead, it was spent, waiting for the van to be repaired only to find it was broken, and was going to take longer. Running back and forth between here and Lee's Summit getting kids, and working on stuff at church this evening. I am thankful for 2 cars...because we when are down to one it is crazy. On a bright note the evening ended with me being able to see my good friend Heather. I love her and I am so glad she is in town.

So even though the day didn't go as planned it was still a good day. We have 2 cars, and one broke down. Which means we still have one. We will be able to repair the van, again another positive. tonight as the temperatures fall, we have a home with heat, and blankets. So what the day didn't go as planned- whose plan was it anyway? Sometimes it is all about perspective- and how we can see what is going on around us. Was fixing the van in the budget- no but the money is there to fix it...something else will be put off for later, but we are blessed. God has done great things in our lives. Sometimes just because our days don't go the way we plan them- doesn't mean they do not go as planned. I am trying to remember how blessed I really am. Being thankful really is an attitude- choose gratitude!

I am so thankful today to be part of BreakPointe Community Church. It was an amazing day! We baptized 20 people, had 2 new decisions for Christ and the presence of the Lord filled this place. God is doing some pretty amazing things and i am just in awe. I find it amazing that God would choose me to be part of his plan. That somehow, I could be part of this story. WOW! 

This weekend has been a great restful weekend. I have enjoyed being at home, spending time with the kiddos and just being...

This week is thanksgiving, many of us will be traveling to spend time with family. others will be staying in their homes preparing for families to visit them...whatever you are doing-enjoy it. Take time to really enjoy those you love the most. Don't let small petty things come in the way of your thankfulness.

I will be preaching next week, and I am working on my sermon- Thankfulness out of Brokenness. Those who have been forgiven of much know what it means to be thankful.

Yes I am behind. I have missed several days and trying to catch up has be avoiding the blog because then it seems overwhelming. But today I am thankful for my home. I am thankful that over the last 24 hours, I have been in my home. I have cooked a meal, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, snuggled on the couch with my daughters, told my boys for the one millionth time to stop playing soccer in the living room, flipped channels on the TV, taken a hot bubble bath, had my pj's on for an extent amount of time and taken down the fall decor and begin the process of getting out Christmas. I have enjoyed being here in my home so much. I am so blessed. I know that my home could use a new coat of paint, some updating here and there, but it provides more than enough space for our family, warmth from the cold winters and a cool place in the hot summers. God has blessed me more than I deserve. My home is a place I could spend more time and I am working with that goal in mind.

I am also thankful for the vehicles that we that take us from point A to point B. there was a time in our marriage we only had one car and that was very difficult. Now I spend many hours a week in my van going from one school to the other to church to home to the store. It gets me there faster than I can ever walk and I know many people all around the world do not have a car or any type of wheels to get them anywhere. They walk miles just to get water for their families, and I can drive to the store to buy bottled water if i don't want the water coming out of my faucet in my kitchen. I take all of these things for granted. Water, food, a car, a house, a bed to sleep in, more clothes than I can wear, shoes, socks, toothbrushes and toothpaste. I am thankful for all those things I use everyday and just use them without any thought to the fact that I have them to use and many do not.

Today my thankful post is going to be about my last but not least child...Kailyn. Kailyn is the best final chapter we could have ask for. She is the most compassionate loving cuddling little girl ever. My day is not complete without a hug, or several, from Kailyn. She knows how to bring a smile to our face, and warm our heart with her words. She does have the great ability to go out of her way to annoy and perhaps get in trouble her brothers. It might be a gift. One of course her brothers do not appreciate. She lights up a room and brings comfort to those around her. Kailyn is smart and beautiful and has a heart for God already. She loves going to church and learning more about this Great Big God we serve. I hope she keeps her innocence for years to come. I love you Kailyn and I am so proud that I get to be your mom.

Writing is an outlet. Thus another blog on the same day. Detour from my list of things I am thankful and just blogging about my thoughts...as jumbled as they may be.

This space-the blog- is a place I go to recount the days events, my thoughts, and whatever else comes to my mind. Sometimes it is also the place I go to vent, unwind or simply put into words the emotions and feelings of the day. For when they are in writing I can see them better. Sometimes they are simply voices in my head that hold no truth and other times they are the truth that I need.  This evening, has been a whirlwind of activities. Tomorrow will mirror today and Thursday will do the same. Again, the out of control schedule snags a week, leaving me breathless. I came across this verse this weekend and I can't get it off my mind.

"Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave." 1 Kings 19:11-13

God's voice was not in the windstorm that ripped through the mountain, he was not in the earthquake or the fire. But in a gentle whisper. I am trying to think of the last time I was still enough or quiet enough to hear a gentle whisper. Which brought me to another verse  Psalms 46:10 " be still and know that I am God" being still is so hard. Listening for that gentle whisper is almost impossible when we fill our lives with so much stuff. And sometimes the stuff is good stuff, it is just too much.

I am praying about many things that are very heavy on my heart. I know that God has the answer. I know that God is not leaving me here to fend for myself. But he is gently whispering my name. He brings healing and restoration. Sometimes the "dreams and fairy tales" we imagine for our lives just don't turn out that way. When they don't God takes our brokenness and heals us from the inside out.

When I realize how much there is to accomplish each day- I am overwhelmed. I know I am in the midst of being thankful each day and today I am thankful. But it is easy to let all the other emotions crowd out our thankfulness. I am currently working on my sermon for the Sunday after Thanksgiving. This has been difficult. I have felt torn in several different directions and i think finally have clear direction. 
I am thankful for the direction God gives. It may not always be in my timing, most times it is not, but it does come. When I allow myself to be a conduit of his grace and love he can accomplish what he need to through me. 


I am thankful today for Jordan, my second child, my first son. I cannot believe how big he is. He has outgrown me, he is taller than his sister and soon will be looking Jason eye to eye. I will never forget holding him in my arms for the first time and looking into those big blue eyes. He has the bluest eyes ever. Jordan is sweet, kind and compassionate. When he is passionate about something, you will know it, Because he is not quiet about it. He loves to play ball. It doesn't matter what kind he loves to play. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. This year he has stood up for what he believes and is not afraid to let you know. I love you Jordan and I am so proud to be your mom.