I so desperately want to be that mom...you know the one...the one that always smiles, she never raises her voice and keeps everything together all the time. My reality is I am not that mom. I get upset when chores are left undone, the laundry pile never gets smaller, and the kids look at you like you might actually be from mars. Today, I woke up feeling like it was all out of control. Things were out of place, demanding my attention. Screaming for me to notice. When I closed my eyes last night, i went right to sleep- for 30 mins, then I woke up, my brain running faster and faster with each Tic- tock that went by. I wanted to sleep, but it all seemed big. The To do list was growing and I only have 24 hours. It is funny how this day is following yesterday. Yesterday we took a sabbath. We rested, we played and loved on our kids. Today, the serenity of yesterday a memory and the demands of today are forcing my attention. I ask when did it all get so out of control- I think it starts with me. There is literally a laundry basket full of papers and mail that need attention at the foot of my bed. My desk is stacked so high, i pray every time I walk by it the mountain does not slide because it would be an avalanche. Dirty laundry baskets full and overflowing in my bathroom. Laundry baskets full of clean clothes in my living room. Where do you find peace when it feels like your whole world is out of control. Every room, every detail, seems to be needing order...

God is never out of control. And when I find myself having one of these days, I take comfort in that fact. I also see where in these moments, his gentle hand is on my back, he mouth is whispering in my ear, he is holding me. To help me regain my focus, to see the big picture. the one that says you are okay, your family is healthy and whole. You are standing in the middle of my will. To understand that there are steps to take to bring life back under control. It takes intentional steps of slowing down, doing the things that need to be done. Not just the urgent but the important. It might mean saying No to something and Yes to something else. It might mean ignoring the pile of laundry to share a laugh or hug. It might even mean putting myself in time out to create a pause and see the situation for what it really is.

Oh to be that Mom! To be that Woman of God. I make progress on days only to take a few steps back, but I am not giving up. I will keep pushing forward. Even in the midst of the out of control.